I see the Light

Friday, 25 February 2022

I was scheduled to have completed and submitted my dissertation last year November. That did not go as planned. There was so much going on - so much confusion, frustration, a lot of things that, as I am learning, come with being a (post-graduate) student. 

I was upset with myself that I had not met the initial, planned for deadline. (Perhaps I felt like I failed myself). Regardless of the reason, I had to make peace with the fact that things weren't going / didn't go as planned. And here we are! 

Yesterday (Thursday, 24 February) I had submitted my second chapter. Something happened while working on this chapter. First let me provide some context. 

In my second year of undergraduate studies I met a lecturer who I admired and enjoyed listening to. Her lessons were well structured, her content was clear and it was a breath of fresh air - a module different to the rest of the linguistics modules that I was doing at the time. Let's call it formal linguistics. (Linguistics is typically divided into two major types: sociolinguistics and formal linguistics). From that time I knew that I wanted her to be my supervisor, or at least that I wanted to work with her. After an academic year had passed, Dr Erin became my honours supervisor and for that year she was awarded the Arts Faculty's emerging excellent lecturer; I was awarded the Arts Faculty's best honours  student. I say this humbly. Because that is exactly what I experienced: I was humbled by the award, to say the least. Anyway, this was an indicator that a good choice was made (which is important to me). To date, Dr Erin and the honourable Professor Theresa Biberauer continue to walk the journey with me, a journey that I am new to, and know a very, very little about.  So, in a sense, I sit at their feet and learn. This is something I am wholeheartedly grateful for. 

Okay, back to the chapter. As I said, I'm new to this whole formal linguistics business. So typing a chapter (e.g. the literature review) that is based heavily on theory is rather difficult for me. And bear in mind that scientific / academic writing is not a natural activity to pursue. So I find myself grappling with content, the writing process, and (goodness!) Latex! (That of course doesn't include the other day-to-day concerns. For example, while trying to meet the chapter submission deadline, my laptop started packing up. It started doing funny things. That day I spent about two hours on calls with the IT technician trying to resolve the issues. That alone was an infuriating experience, but ja, toe nou). But while I was reading and typing (and reading and typing!), I saw the light. I saw the chapter come together, at least in part. Something sparked and I became even more invested in the project. There's a beauty in things that make sense, especially if it comes after a time of struggling. I spent some time looking at the schedule for the different chapters, and the various deadlines. A much needed peace came over me, one that surpasses all understanding. Because God knows I often have fears that I may cease to be (or that my thoughts may cease to be, as Dylan puts it).  I sometimes worry that things again won't go according to plan. Albeit, I continue to work, and trust the Lord. 

The moral of the story is that during the process, whatever it may be, things are often unclear, frustrating and can be demoralising. That is why you need the right people in your corner, the Dr Erins, the Theresas, the Tamzyns, the IT Technician, family (to mention just a few). You need your faith. You need a goal, you need to aim at something, a bigger picture. Because when all else fails, when the smaller picture becomes blurry and distorted, those are the things that will carry you through. 

Things won't always go as planned, or be pleasant, but you will get through this. You are not alone. God goes before you, and He sends experienced minds, caring individuals to help and mentor you. This too shall pass, and you will emerge stronger, better and perhaps even a well-rounded linguist! 

I see the light.

Until next time, 

die Kaapse Student